Some women like sexual fantasies, but most do not. Therefore it is important, if and when people have fantasies, for the woman to be the instigator, giving the man a treat occasionally, rather than the man saying Gimme, Gimme.
But what is acceptable in terms of fantasies and what is not? What builds a relationship, and what destroys love and affection? Fantasies taken to the extreme, or fantasies that are too frequent, will destroy love and affection, or not allow love and affection to have time to be nurtured.
Now I will discuss more specifically, what and what is not acceptable. Fantasies modeled upon the natural roles of man and woman are acceptable, but those not so modeled are not. In a relationship, each submits to the other, and in the bedroom, Paul says: the wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body but the wife. (1 Cor 7:4) In practical terms, their power differs: the husband is boss, but the woman’s body is to be worshipped. As it says in the marriage celebration of the Church of England: with this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship.
The man also is supposed to be strong, brave and gentle, whilst the woman is tender and delicate, whose feelings may easily be hurt. She is not, however, supposed to be temperamental. Peter writes: giving honour upon the woman, as unto the weaker vessel . . . that your prayers be not hindered.
For a woman to hit a man with her hand is pretty pathetic; a birch is too nasty; and a crop is for animals. Therefore she should use a cane. This should be fun, unless the woman is strong like Serena Williams, in which case it must be toned down. Most men, anyway would like to be caned hard, and even if they like the thought of it, would not like the reality. Therefore light or medium caning should normally be employed. But many men who do not like to be caned hard at the time, like the thought of it before and after. Experimentation therefore is in order.
The woman, God has revealed, is boss of the bedroom. This does not mean she dominates the man in bed. What it does mean, however, is that she can refuse the man until she is ready, until she has done enough kissing and hugging. She can also refuse him if he has hurt her feelings. Although Paul said for the woman, and the man, not to deprive each other, lest they fall into sin, with a true appreciation of the value of a woman, a man should not fall into sin. (But she should not use this as a weapon of a rebellious woman, to get her own way, to win arguments, and to avoid timely rebuke. She should also love her man, seeking to reward him. After all, men want and need women more than women need men.) A woman can laugh among her girlfriends about a man’s fantasy foibles, or tell them to laugh at him, if he chickens out, but a man should not speak disrespectfully of his wife in such a way. But woman should not laugh at her husband’s authority, or cause him general or moral disrespect in the presence of others. She should want him to do better, for her pride.
The man should not be bound, and should wear thin boxer underpants. He is supposed to be brave, not servile to the woman. The man is head of the house. To exalt the woman by being bound by her is almost like making her a God, but the head of every man is Christ, and the head of woman is the man. The woman should not punish a man for being home late from work, or any general fault, even though this may sound like fun. This is misplaced pride. She is not a dominatrix.
Blue, therefore, rather than black is the best colour for this fantasy. She should wear blue hot pants and a man’s blue unbuttoned shirt, sometimes opening it, and with no bra. Outside the bedroom, the woman is submissive, and weak. But with a cane in her hand, she finds that she can lord it over the man in the bedroom. This is well placed pride.
Initially she should always stop when the man wants. But when she knows his limits and what he likes, she can refuse to make love to him once, unless he completes the session to her satisfaction. She can also add some extra strokes if he does not change tack sufficiently, to give her more pleasure in bed. Pride makes a man think that he is good enough without trying.
The fantasy should not make men miserable before or after. This is domination, which is wrong. A fantasy should always bring the man net pleasure, and if it doesn’t she must change it. But if a woman is motivated by pride and desire for pleasure, she should be able not to be cruel. And if the woman goes too far, the man can simply say, ‘No more fantasies’, and the woman has no right to refuse the man for quitting any fantasy for a time, or quitting indefinitely.
For this a light whip may be employed, again not bound, and the man may kiss, or suck her breasts and may kiss her boots, when she tells him to, or rather, allows him to. Thigh high leather boots, and a black top covering from the hips to above the waist is good clothing to wear. The worship is of her outward form only, and the man can terminate the session at any time without loss, except the woman’s reproach.
In the imagination of a man, a woman may go to extremes of leather and metal, and poisoness snakes, not against her man, but against the man’s foes. As the power of strength is an aphrodisiac to a woman, so this sort of power may be an aphrodisiac to some men. Dominating clothing is alright for this fantasy. Black leather boots, clothing and whip, red topless hot pants and a red whip, steel boots and blades, or any number of costumes may be worn.
A voluptuous woman with a snake coiled around her is the extreme of a woman being hard to get. It is good to respect womanhood, the woman’s right of refusal, and the fact that the female is not as promiscuous as the male. And after she is married she is completely unobtainable.
Although it is not good to fantasize about nearby married women in this way, it is acceptable to fantasize of women in general like this. It is also probably acceptable to fantasize of married movie stars like this also, because a man’s ungratified lust for her will not create friction with the woman’s husband, or embarrassment to the woman, or ingratitude in the man, in the way it does if it is a neighbouring wife that the man covets. So it is nothing more than a bit of a thrill.
Although the woman determines when sexual intercourse is performed, the man determines how it is performed, that is who is on top. (After this variation in technique are at the whims of whoever is on top.) To demonstrate the man’s right of this initial determination, he may cane her, if he is lucky enough for her to like this. It is in this very limited degree that he is boss of the act of sexual intercourse. She should not ever tell the man what do during sexual intercourse. Her input is limited to expressing pleasure, verbally or otherwise, so that the man knows when he is doing well. (She can complain of technique during the boss of bedroom fantasy, however, or request hopefully, at other times, that he take more care with technique, but not in the presence of others. She can only boast, lie, or be quiet.)
A woman is not supposed to be strong like a man. Therefore he should hit her with no more force than that with which an average woman might hit a man, and then only with one such stroke a year (just to show who has control). And then only if she has previously said that lighter caning is not enough. Other caning should be light or medium. If the man is too careless, the woman should not sleep with him, or even shut him out of the bedroom for a while, to teach him a lesson. The woman should not be bound when caned, as this is to treat her like a piece of dirt. And the woman should never be flogged.
The woman should wear a short dress with at least a plunging neckline, and have a bare bottom. The woman should look feminine, but not too delicate.
A married woman, for life, is not allowed any other man. Therefore he possesses her. To demonstrate his ownership she might like to be spanked by hand, on her bare bottom.
A man may tie up his wife and carry her to the bed. The woman may like to be under his power. But he should untie her before they make love, because sex is a mutual interaction.
For this fantasy alone, the woman may be fully naked, during the fantasy, and during the sexual intercourse which follows.
A man likes a woman to sit in his lap, or to carry her to bed (clothed), but may not like to ask. He prefers to feel needed. If he is not strong enough, because he is old, he can do some exercise, or have testosterone injection to restore him to the hormone balance that was his in his twenties. To go to extremes like body builders is unhealthy. But I suspect that a small amount of testosterone for an older man, has health benefits as well as health problems. But today they always emphasise the negative. Young people, before maturity should not take testosterone. They must be patient. (A woman’s body, however is more delicate and complex, than a man’s)
The only time when the limits above may be relaxed is, for the man, that he must pay a heavy price to have the woman sexually, and for the woman, that she can have no other. But if so, this fantasy should not be conducted regularly, but once, twice or thrice only, or the fantasy must be toned down.
With all of these fantasies, when the woman is in power, the man should wear at least underpants, because he wears the pants, and the woman should wear lower clothing, for decency.
Although this is not optional for those that are married, like those occasional fantasies mentioned above, what fantasies must there be whenever a man and a woman come together.
The man should wear pants, perhaps broad blue striped rather than floral to look masculine. And if he wears a shirt, a plain non colourful (white, grey, brown, or black) T-Shirt, rather than a normal pyjama shirt, might be preferred for masculinity by most women.
And the woman should be clothed, normally with a short nightie, with a plunging neckline, perhaps even to reveal most or all, of her breasts. She can alter what she reveals to keep the man interested. It is good to be clothed, that masculine/feminine overtones should colour the merely physical aspect. We are not just physical.
But even more importantly, when making love, the man should try to remember that he is not seeking to satisfy himself. He is worshipping the woman as a goddess, with his body. And the pleasures that flow are his reward, for duty.
Although some may think it wrong to treat a woman as a goddess, this is not what the man is actually doing. He is merely ascribing to the woman that power that God has put upon her. He is not replacing God with a woman, but rather thanking God for ministering to him through the woman. The converse to this is in the matter of authority, where man’s God or head is Christ, and the woman’s head (or god in this matter is man). No one is saying that the woman is goddess; her goddess like power in this matter is merely being acknowledged.
To illustrate that this is not blasphemy, another godlike power that a woman has is the power of creation. God created Adam, from the dust, and Eve from Adam’s rib. But God has given the woman a portion of his power, in a sense, when she creates a baby. But this is all that she can create. The worship of Venus should therefore be thought of as a corruption of the truth, rather than as a total invention.
So God made two great lights; the greater light (man) to rule the day, and the lesser light (woman) to rule the night. Man’s rule is understood from the Scriptures, but woman’s equality is a mystery, unfolding as the coming of the Lord draws nigh. God has made woman to rule the night, because she loves affection more than pleasure.