Under the Old Covenant, God forbad the Israelites from marrying the original inhabitants of the land of Canaan, saying: When the Lord thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it . . . thou shalt make no covenant with them . . . Neither shalt thou make marriages with them. For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly. (Deut 7:1-4)
Yet they were allowed to marry women from the surrounding countries such as Edom and Egypt. They are even told how to proceed if they see: among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife and then they were told: thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife. (Deut 21:11,13)
The reason marriages with the Canaanites were forbidden, was that disgusting: abominations have the men of the land done, which were before you, and the land is defiled. (Lev 18:27) They also practiced abominations such as witchcraft and infanticide (like abortion) and they were not to: learn to do after the abominations of those nations. (Deut 18:9)
Marriages with Egyptians and Edomites were allowed because they were not so bad. God said: thou shalt not abhor an Edomite; for he is thy brother: thou shalt not abhor an Egyptian; because thou wast a stranger in his land. (Deut 23:7) Solomon: took Pharaoh's daughter (1 Kings 3:1) to wife, and God records of him after this that: Solomon loved the Lord, walking in the statutes of David his father. And: the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream by night. (1 Kings 3:3,5)
It was only later, when he also took to wife: women of the . . . Zidonians and Hittites; of the nations concerning which the Lord said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them . . . for surely they will turn away your heart after other gods, that: the Lord was angry with Solomon. (1 Kings 11:1,2,9) He even built altars for his wives to burn incense to false gods.
These are the words of God, and Christ said that man shall live by every word of God. But under the New Covenant, national boundaries are spiritually meaningless, so what is their application. Common sense teaches that a Christian must not marry one who is likely to be a bad influence. A Christian man is only allowed to marry a non Christian woman with a good, submissive nature, who would not practice abortion, and who regards marriage as a permanent institution. Beliefs as well as deeds are important. The woman must believe in one God who is good. This would allow a man to marry a Moslem, but not a Hindu woman, as Hindus believe in many gods. Buddhist beliefs also are unacceptable, as they believe in the deity of Buddha. Although I am not an expert in comparative religion, all I can say is that women adhering to most or all strange religions would be unacceptable as a choice of wife. The man should not force his religion upon the woman, but he may try to win her heart for the Lord. Let your light so shine before her that she sees your good works and glorifies God; and occasionally speak to her of your glorious hopes and beliefs.
A Christian woman, however, should only marry a Christian man, as the influence of the man upon the woman is stronger than the influence of the woman upon the man, as the man is the leader. Paul says that she is: at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. (1 Cor 7:39) the phrase ‘in the Lord’ signifies that the husband must belong to the Lord and be a Christian.
It is not good for a Christian woman to marry a Roman Catholic man because so many of their teachings are false. They believe in prayer to Mary, Queen of heaven. But Jesus said: pray to thy Father (Matt 6:6). Catholics also believe in the mediatory role of Mary, when the bible says that there is only: one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus. (1 Tim 2:5)
The differing restrictiveness upon marriage for Christian men and women has a good practical outcome in situations where there is an imbalance in the numbers of Christian men and women, as a woman can live without a man more easily than a man can live without a woman. Sexually men need women more than women need men. This is why it is only men who visit prostitutes. And socially women have closer friendships amongst themselves, and are less likely to be loners.
Although a man is permitted to marry a good non-Christian, it is better for him to marry a Christian woman. Although there is nothing wrong with seeking beauty, it is better if godliness comes first. It is written: Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. (Prov 31:30) We must pray for God's help in finding a good wife as: a prudent wife is from the Lord. (Prov 19:14) and again: who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. (Prov 31:10) Abraham’s said to his servant: the Lord God of heaven . . . he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son. (Gen 24:7) Remember that: every good and perfect gift is from above and cometh down from the Father of lights. (James 1:7)
If we pray for a virtuous woman, and are wise in seeking, Jesus promised of His heavenly Father: if a son shall ask . . . of any of you that is a father . . . a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? (Luke 11:11) How much more will your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? (Matt 7:11) There is no reason to fear not being able to find a good wife as: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. (Psalm 84:11) But if instead of faith in God, one seeks pleasure from the Devil by sin: let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. (James 1:7)
Christians who have married non-ideally are allowed to stay with their spouse, even a Christian woman with an unsaved man (perhaps he will get converted). However if they are just too evil to live with, the Christian should separate. Paul writes: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. But: if the unbelieving depart, let him depart.(1 Cor 7:12,13)
But if they are too evil to live with: make a covenant with our God to put away all the wives, and such as are born of them. (Ezra 10:3) Through failure to separate from evil people, the Jews themselves, at the time this word was written, were committing abominations.
To those who obey this word there is a wonderful promise: be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will be a Father unto you and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty. (2 Cor 6:17,18)
Confidence in ourselves, that we can marry outside the will of God without being turned aside from God, is misplaced. Are we better than Solomon of whom it is written: Did not Solomon king of Israel sin by these things? yet among many nations was there no king like him, who was beloved of his God, and God made him king over all Israel: nevertheless even him did outlandish women cause to sin (Neh 13:26) Such marriages brought Solomon no joy as he writes: I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets. (Eccl 7:26)
Although listed as an example of faith in Hebrews 11, Samson is an example of failure to separate from the heathen, when he had an affair with a Philistine woman. He did not lose his power when he slept with her. It was only: When . . . he had told her all his heart . . . that . . . she began to afflict him, and his strength went from him . . . he wist not that the Lord was departed from him . . . the Philistines took him . . . and he did grind in the prison house. (Judges 16:18,19) This teaches that the greater the propensity of a woman to evil, the less oneness the man may have with her: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom. (Micah 7:5) And there are many women with whom a Christian man should have no relationship at all. And a Christian woman should not sleep with an unsaved man at all.