Marriage is more than a partnership. It is a unity of body, soul and spirit.
Jesus showed that the model for a perfect marriage could be learned from Adam and Eve, when, quoting from Genesis One, He said: Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? (Matt 19:4,5) This is spiritual life for all, unless we are more spiritual than the words of Jesus Christ.
The way God made the female is that: the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam . . . and he took one of his ribs . . . And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. (Gen 2:21,22)
Adam could feel great oneness with the woman because she was not some foreign being, but was derived from Adam himself, and: Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man. (Gen 2:23) The oneness Adam felt with Eve was not peculiar to Adam, but should be true of all marriage for all time.
Marriage should bring joy even as it is written: the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride. (Isaiah 62:5) And Solomon says: Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest. (Eccl 9:9) But for a marriage to work well over many years it is necessary for the husband and wife to show love, one to the other, rather than to be selfish.
Husbands are commanded: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. (Eph 5:25) This implies a self sacrificial love of husbands for wives.
It is also commanded of husbands: let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself. (Eph 5:33) Thus the husband should not use his authority to make his wife’s life miserable. This is made even more clear in Eph 5:28 which says: So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.
Wives also need to be admonished: to love their husbands. (Tit 2:4)
Wives are not to be contentious and so make life miserable for their husbands, as: It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house. (Prov 25:24) To the contrary, wives should be: obedient to their husbands, (Tit 2:5) although this does not mean that they need to be told what to do all the time, as this would restrict their freedom. But the husband should decide, for example, where they will live, although he may take his wife’s wishes into consideration.
Wives are exhorted of their inner beauty: Let it not be that outward adorning . . . of wearing of gold (not that there is anything wrong with this) . . . but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. (1 Pet 3:3,4) By so doing they are following the example of women of faith: For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well. (1 Pet 3:5,6)
That the headship of the husband was not just a temporary phenomenon designed to agree with the customs of the first century is evident from 1 Cor 11:3 where man’s headship is compared to eternal truths: the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Those who want power on earth may not like any doctrine of submission. But power on earth does not translate into power in the kingdom of heaven. Jesus said: whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Matt 18:4) Wives are exhorted that: as the church is subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in every thing. (Eph 5:24)
Peter also exhorts the husbands to be gentle to their wives when he says: husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel. (1 Pet 3:7)
Husbands will be gentle to their wives if they remember that, contrary to the Ancient world’s belief in the inferiority of women, men and women are equal in the sight of God. And Peter continues to say of husbands and wives, that they are: heirs together of the grace of life. In the next world men will not be superior to women. Marriage will be no more. Jesus says: in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven. (Matt 22:30) But there will obviously still be male and female and sexual and romantic relationships, as man's nature at creation was not a mistake. Our place in the next world, will depend upon our faith and obedience to God.
It is essential that a man shows this respect to his wife, so that his: prayers be not hindered. (1 Pet 3:7) God cannot hear the prayers of the cruel or of the proud.
The net result of a husband’s love for his wife and a wife’s reverence for her husband should be a husband’s support for his wife: Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved? (Song of Solomon 8:5)
Although a woman should not lose sight of her heavenly calling, nor of her spiritual ministry of prophecy and prayer, nor of the importance of good works to other than her family, she should remember, if she is married, that Eve was made a helper to Adam. God said of Eve’s creation: It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Gen 2:18) This doctrine, which was before the fall, is still relevant today.
To assist the man, the bible teaches that the woman has a dual role: partly looking after her children, and partly earning money. In her role as home maker the woman is: to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home. (Tit 2:4,5) The role of a virtuous wife is described in Proverbs 30:10-31. As regards caring for the household, it says: She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household . . . She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. (V 15,27)
The reason that the primary responsibility of caring for small children should rest with the mother, is not that women are inferior in the workplace, but rather that they are superior as carers. Women generally, and mothers in particular, have greater qualities of patience, compassion and concern than do men: Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? (Isaiah 49:15)
Some vocal women’s groups denigrate the role of child minding. But why should training a child at home be thought inferior to teaching children at school. And why should watching over an infant human being at home be thought inferior to manufacturing some inanimate object at work.
But women do have a second role in marriage and this is that of earning money. Regarding this it is written: She maketh fine linen, and selleth it, and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. (Prov 31:24)
In her capacity as an earner, it should not be thought that the woman cannot make important decisions. It is written of the virtuous wife: She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands (profits) she planteth a vineyard. (Prov 31:16)
It is wonderful that a wife can assist and colabour with her husband: Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field, let us lodge in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth: there will I give thee my loves. (Song of Solomon 8:11,12) Even if it is not practical for the wife to labour with her husband in his field of work, she can labour with him as they win souls. This can be a joint venture that strengthens the marriage.
Spiritual life is not denying everything natural, but rather governing the natural in accord with the commandments of God. This is because the natural body is not inherently evil. To the contrary: God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Gen 1:27) That image is not exact in all respects, yet the body was created good in all respects. The Song of Solomon teaches that sexual pleasure is good and natural when mixed with love for one’s spouse.
The love of the wife is evident: Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine . . . his banner over me was love . . . His left hand is under my head and his right hand doth embrace me. (Song of Solomon 1:2, 2:4,6)
The love of the husband for his wife is also evident: Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes. (Song of Solomon 4:9)
This love harmonises with sexual pleasure, even as it is written: thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes. I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples; and the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak. I am my beloved’s and his desire is toward me. (Song of Solomon 7:7-10)
This song is not symbolic. The mandrakes spoken of in Song of Solomon 7:13 were thought to be an aphrodisiac, whether they were or not is not relevant. The song is too specific to be taken symbolically, and taken symbolically would be blasphemous by attributing this type of sexuality to God. The song teaches the goodness of sexual pleasure, and also that the context of sexual pleasure is best mixed with love: I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if ye find my beloved, that ye tell him, that I am sick of love. (Song of Solomon 5:8)
Although the King James translation writes: abstain from fornication, (1 Thess 4:3) this is not a good translation. The word that the King James Version translates as fornication is a general word referring to all kinds of sexual immorality, as most modern translations render it. The error of the King James Version (which I still think is the best translation and the translation I read,) is evident from Jude 7, where it says that Sodom and Gomorrha gave themselves over: to fornication. But fornication is the one thing they were not doing. Even Lot’s two married daughters were still virgins (Gen 19:8).
The only prohibitions for sexual intercourse between a husband and wife were for seven days during menstruation (Lev 15:19, Lev 18:19) and for a few weeks after childbirth (Lev 12) This allowed sexual intercourse at other times, including the two weeks after ovulation, during most of which time conception is impossible. It also allowed sexual intercourse a week before ovulation, when conception most unlikely. Even sexual intercourse immediately before ovulation does not guarantee conception. I think the probability is about 15%. If God intended sexual intercourse to be only for the purpose of procreation, He is guilty of creating hopelessly sinful bodies, by not causing a 100% success rate for conception. And if He intended sexual intercourse to be only for the purpose of procreation, why does He not say this in His word. Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar. (Prov 30:6)
The Devil disallows normal sexual intercourse between husband and wife because he knows that few will have the moral strength to then abstain from wrong sexual pleasures. This is why God says: Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. (Prov 5:19) How can this Scripture be applied, to keep the man from the strange woman at all times, if sexual intercourse between husband and wife were only permitted rarely.
In the context of sexual pleasure, Paul says to husbands and wives: Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1 Cor 7:5)
So it is not good for one partner to unilaterally cease from sexual pleasure against the wishes of the other. Each partner should think of the desires of the other. Paul writes: The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. (1 Cor 7:4) But neither partner should be overly demanding for a higher sexual frequency than the other desires.
This said, I think it is good for the woman, before sexual intercourse, to lead in the bedroom: when she wants to be embraced, when she is ready to make love. And perhaps the man, of his own volition, should embrace her afterward, so that she feels loved while she is weak from pleasures.
Even without contraception most of the female unfertilised eggs perish. Similarly for the male seed. Contraception merely increases the perishing from 99% to 100%. As such contraception cannot in any way be construed as sin.
And even without contraception most acts of sexual intercourse do not result in a fertilised egg. Contraception merely guarantees that it will not. As such contraception again cannot be construed as sin.
So contraception merely increases the frequency slightly, of what happens naturally without contraception. It therefore should not be condemned.
If father and daughter are Christians, a father can refuse to give his daughter in marriage: If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him. (Exod 22:17)
But a father cannot force his daughter to marry against her will. When Abraham’s servant chose Rebecca to be Isaac’s wife, her relatives said: We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth. And they called Rebecca, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go. (Gen 24:57,58)
Free choice is also seen regarding the daughters of Zelophehad. The Lord commanded: Let them marry to whom they think best. (Num 36:6) There are however constraints of goodness, and for some, calling, within which we must make that choice.