Marriage is more than a partnership. It is a unity of body, soul and spirit. The beauty of a marriage is that the woman is superior to the man in some ways, whereas the man is superior to the woman in other ways. Therefore because both natures are flawed, and God has made it that way that they might need each other. When this is understood, the bond is strong, espescially if they are both dedicated to a common cause of good.
Specifically the man recognises duty and has more sober judgement in many ways. But the woman has greater sexual purity, and is not callous as men can be. They must watch for each others souls and not say of each other, like Cain, am I my brothers keeper.
I believe that the woman must cleanse her husband's heart from sexual impurity with light whipping as described in the article, Sexual Cleansing.
I also believe that if the woman's rebelliousness to the husband's authority prevents the man from fulfilling his duty to God, he should use a flexible cane and give her up to six of the best. But this freedom to rule in his household may be misunderstood; the man may cane his wife too frequently or for petty things, or he may misunderstand that the woman is not his servant. She is his help. Therefore I would say that the man should put into his wife's hand a birch, and give her universal permission to hit him with a birch as many times as he has hit her, if he is making her life miserable with fear or bondage, because if a man is ruling his house well the woman should be joyful. She should not feel an unworthy servant, but happy that she is assisting with useful work. If this is not her happiness, the marriage is not working. They must work at their marriage.
Although there may be some mistakes made with the husband maybe hitting the wife unnecessarily, or the wife retaliating when she should not, the battle should not be won on the basis of who is toughest. But rather pain can make a person realise their errors. So in a godly marriage I think that the side in the wrong will eventually be brought to contrition. And if either the wife or husband is godless their is no point in coworking.
Men can be callous, and because they like the pleasure of caning a wife's bottom and the sense of authority, overdo it. The pain of the birch may cause their hearts to be more tender. Men might wish they could just pray and work out from God, exactly how to chasten their wives. But they must look to the woman. Is she happy? And the pain of the birch from the woman helps them to learn from their mistakes of overcorrecting. Theoretically the woman should only retaliate if she is over corrected. But many women who are over corrected think they should take it. Therefore she should retaliate if her life is being made miserable by fear or if she feels the bondage of mind, of not being free enough to do what she thinks is her important work. Marriage is learning from each other.
I used to think that we could learn everything by prayer and bible reading, and this article still contains some of my original writings, which I thought would be sufficient to teach men. But now I know that husbands and wives must also learn from each other.
Jesus showed that the model for a perfect marriage could be learned from Adam and Eve, when, quoting from Genesis One, He said: Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? (Matt 19:4,5) This is spiritual life for all, unless we are more spiritual than the words of Jesus Christ.
The way God made the female is that: the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam . . . and he took one of his ribs . . . And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. (Gen 2:21,22)
Adam could feel great oneness with the woman because she was not some foreign being, but was derived from Adam himself, and: Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man. (Gen 2:23) The oneness Adam felt with Eve was not peculiar to Adam, but should be true of all marriage for all time.
Marriage should bring joy even as it is written: the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride. (Isaiah 62:5) And Solomon says: Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest. (Eccl 9:9) But for a marriage to work well over many years it is necessary for the husband and wife to show love, one to the other, rather than to be selfish.
Husbands are commanded: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. (Eph 5:25) This implies a self sacrificial love of husbands for wives.
It is also commanded of husbands: let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself. (Eph 5:33) Thus the husband should not use his authority to make his wife’s life miserable. This is made even more clear in Eph 5:28 which says: So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.
Wives also need to be admonished: to love their husbands. (Tit 2:4)
Authority to decide on matters of duty during the day has been given to the man in marriage. In order to show that this view does not imply the superiority of the male, I will use as an analogy the example of politicians and scientists.
Politicians have the authority to decide whether to allow scientists to have funding to do what they want, and they often tell scientists what to work on. But we cannot conclude from this that politicians are superior to scientists simply because the politicians have the authority. In the same way we cannot conclude that men are better or smarter than women simply because the authority has been given to men. People today think too highly of being boss, but what is important is not who is boss, but whether we have talent, and whether we are free to exercise those talents.
Thousands of years ago, before Christianity, the primitive beliefs of men were that the champion warrior was the superior being, and the one with the most power was to be the most highly thought of. But today there is more respect for qualities such as kindness and intellectual achievement, although the feminist movement is still obsessed with power.
The increased vulnerability of Eve to deception, even before the fall, is used by Paul to illustrate the need for women not to have authority over men: For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. (1 Timothy 2:13,14)
It is in this context of deception regarding moral issues, that Paul said: I suffer not a woman . . . to usurp authority over the man. (1 Timothy 2:12) That this headship of a man is a universal truth in this age is clear from 1 Corinthians 11:3 where Paul associates it with other universal truths saying: I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
In my household I would like my wife to do most of the washing, cleaning and cooking, because to me, this is some of what being a helper to me means. But I will clean the bathroom and toilet, because I will say that she is too sexually pure and beautiful in heart to perform this task.
At mealtimes she will call me to be there when she serves the meal, so that she feels appreciated. And from the time I sit down until we rise after eating will be an hour. Then she will wash up and I will dry up as this creates fellowship. I think it is good to have this hour's rest, each evening, without television, before television.
I will tell you of my recent timetable plan, which I hope eventually to aspire to, although, in recent years I have been unable to spend much time in prayer as I used to five years ago. I am hoping to have almost three one hour quiet times a day, with forty minutes prayer by myself and twenty minutes bible reading. I am planning to skip my quit time three evenings a week, giving wednesday evening to Geography and world issues, Friday night to history and Sunday night to culture. I long to immerse myself in culture, but have not had the time. Now God, I think, gives me the freedom to exercise my mind in these matters. I would like my wife to participate with me, because all truth is not in the bible, and it is good to be well informed and continually educate ourselves, lest we isolate ourselves from the world and from knowledge that could make us useful. I also finfd lackmof variety fatiguing. In the morning I am planning to skip quiet times on Monday and Thursday for exercise. In the middle of the day, I wish to play music for an hour over lunch, then have a quiet time. And if we do not look after ourselves and our wives, we are not as strong to do our duty.
On Sunday morning I plan to pray with my wife beforev breakfast for half an hour, then after breakfast to have a bible reading and prayer with the rest of the family for half an hour. Perhaps on Sunday afternoon We will have a picnic in the woods when we have children, or I will hug her in the botanical gardens before we have children: Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved? (Song of Solomon 8:5) All the word of God is good, not just the verses that give us difficult instruction. Adam could freely eat of almost every tree of the garden.
But God does not want men to follow my timetable. Most just simply do not have the time to pray like a church worker. And also God does not want a prophet like me to rule in his every house but for every man to have his wife's honour and bear rule in his own house. But that there is both freedom and duty should be understood. Of Adam, when God brought the animals for him to name he did not pray to find God's 'perfect' will. Rather whatsoever God wanted to see what Adam would call them. He had true freedom and resonsibility. Sometimes we can pray too much. (Gen 2:19)
Wives are exhorted of their inner beauty: Let it not be that outward adorning . . . of wearing of gold (not that there is anything wrong with this) . . . but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. (1 Pet 3:3,4) By so doing they are following the example of women of faith: For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well. (1 Pet 3:5,6)
Peter also exhorts the husbands to be gentle to their wives when he says: husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel. (1 Pet 3:7)
Husbands will be gentle to their wives if they remember that, contrary to the Ancient world’s belief in the inferiority of women, men and women are equal in the sight of God. And Peter continues to say of husbands and wives, that they are: heirs together of the grace of life. In the next world men will not be superior to women. And there will obviously still be male and female as our nature at creation was not a mistake.
It is essential that a man shows this respect to his wife, so that his: prayers be not hindered. (1 Pet 3:7) God cannot hear the prayers of the cruel or of the proud.
A husband should not be so dedicated to duty that there is no time for fun or romance. He should take her out to dinner sometimes, and God never said that we must be busy all the time. This would be to be over righteous. But Solomon says: Be not overrighteous, why shouldest thou destroy thyself. (Eccl 7:16)
Although a woman should not lose sight of her heavenly calling, nor of her spiritual ministry of prophecy and prayer, nor of the importance of good works to other than her family, she should remember, if she is married, that Eve was made a helper to Adam. God said of Eve’s creation: It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Gen 2:18) This doctrine, which was before the fall, is still relevant today.
To assist the man, the bible teaches that the woman has a dual role: partly looking after her children, and partly earning money. In her role as home maker the woman is: to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home. (Tit 2:4,5) The role of a virtuous wife is described in Proverbs 30:10-31. As regards caring for the household, it says: She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household . . . She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. (V 15,27)
The reason that the primary responsibility of caring for small children should rest with the mother, is not that women are inferior in the workplace, but rather that they are superior as carers. Women generally, and mothers in particular, have greater qualities of patience, compassion and concern than do men: Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? (Isaiah 49:15)
Some vocal women’s groups denigrate the role of child minding. But why should training a child at home be thought inferior to teaching children at school. And why should watching over an infant human being at home be thought inferior to manufacturing some inanimate object at work.
But women do have a second role in marriage and this is that of earning money. Regarding this it is written: She maketh fine linen, and selleth it, and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. (Prov 31:24)
In her capacity as an earner, it should not be thought that the woman cannot make important decisions. It is written of the virtuous wife: She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands (profits) she planteth a vineyard. (Prov 31:16)
It is wonderful that a wife can assist and colabour with her husband: Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field, let us lodge in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth: there will I give thee my loves. (Song of Solomon 8:11,12) Even if it is not practical for the wife to labour with her husband in his field of work, she can labour with him in some good work. Perhaps it is religious or perhaps it is not. This can be a joint venture that strengthens the marriage. Even sponsoring an African orphan whose parents have died of AIDS, and reading together the story of your overees child or of the work should, I think, bring the joy of fellowship.
Spiritual life is not denying everything natural, but rather governing the natural in accord with the commandments of God. This is because the natural body is not inherently evil. To the contrary: God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Gen 1:27) That image is not exact in all respects, yet the body was created good in all respects. The Song of Solomon teaches that sexual pleasure is good and natural when mixed with love for one’s spouse.
The love of the wife is evident: Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine . . . his banner over me was love . . . His left hand is under my head and his right hand doth embrace me. (Song of Solomon 1:2, 2:4,6)
The love of the husband for his wife is also evident: Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes. (Song of Solomon 4:9)
This love harmonises with sexual pleasure, even as it is written: thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes. I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples; and the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak. I am my beloved’s and his desire is toward me. (Song of Solomon 7:7-10)
This song is not symbolic. The mandrakes spoken of in Song of Solomon 7:13 were thought to be an aphrodisiac, whether they were or not is not relevant. The song is too specific to be taken symbolically, and taken symbolically would be blasphemous by attributing this type of sexuality to God. The song teaches the goodness of sexual pleasure, and also that the context of sexual pleasure is best mixed with love: I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if ye find my beloved, that ye tell him, that I am sick of love. (Song of Solomon 5:8)
The only prohibitions for sexual intercourse between a husband and wife were for seven days after menstruation (Lev 15:19, Lev 18:19) and for a few weeks after childbirth (Lev 12) This allowed sexual intercourse at other times, including the two weeks after ovulation, during most of which time conception is impossible. The time when God allows sexual intercourse to begin is about the time when fertilisation is possible.
So my thinking is that if God's word is followed, God will make the decision on whether conception is possible or whether the time is past. If the first half of the woman's cycle is shorter, she cannot get pregnant. But the duration of her cycle is altered by smells from other women. Perhaps then the way for a woman to fall pregnant would be to invite her cousin to stay in the house for a month. I am sure that God does not mind this kind of scheming. Children should only be conceived by an act of loving sexual intercourse and not by in vitro fertilisation.
The advantage of following God's plan is that the woman is not 'used' during her period of low desire over menstruation and soon after. This is also a time when diseases can be more easily transmitted. The bible seems to teach even more strongly against having sexual intercourse during a woman's period.
The Devil sometimes stops the normal sexual intercourse between husband and wife because he knows that many will not have the moral strength to then abstain from wrong sexual pleasures. This is why I think Roman Catholic priests need the love of a woman. And God says: Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. (Prov 5:19)
In the context of sexual pleasure, Paul says to husbands and wives: Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1 Cor 7:5)
Although Paul writes: The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. (1 Cor 7:4) But I believe that the time of the millennial enlightenment is coming, and God is shedding further light upon the role of women. Jesus set them free from concubinage two thousand years ago. Now they are to rule the night as the moon, in the same way that man rules the day like the sun.
This said, I think that this doctrine can be improved by saying that it is good for the woman to lead in the bedroom. It is her decision what frequency for sexual intercourse, what day, what time, and before sexual intercourse, the duration of kissing and embracing before she is ready to make love. And although the man could occasionally request a higher frequency, or a different day or time so that the woman understands the way he thinks, generally speaking it is only up to him to respond.
Man also finds it easier to respond, because the woman's request to embrace makes him feel needed. But perhaps the man, of his own volition, should embrace her afterward, so that she feels loved while she is weak from pleasures.
Although the man is head of the house, the woman is boss of the bedroom. As a mark of her authority, she can snap her fingers, if the man tries to lead. And if the man does not respond to this reproof, the woman should not sleep with him that night. It is good for a man to respect his wife. The Song of Love says: who is she that looketh forth as the morning, fair as the moon, clear as the sun, and terrible as an army with banners. (Song of Solomon 6:10)
But in vitro fertilisation is wrong, because a child should be conceived by an act of love.
If father and daughter are Christians, a father can refuse to give his daughter in marriage: If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him. (Exod 22:17)
But a father cannot force his daughter to marry against her will. When Abraham’s servant chose Rebecca to be Isaac’s wife, her relatives said: We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth. And they called Rebecca, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go. (Gen 24:57,58)
Free choice is also seen regarding the daughters of Zelophehad. The Lord commanded: Let them marry to whom they think best. (Num 36:6) There are however constraints of goodness, and for some, calling, within which we must make that choice, as even these women, unlike the general case, had to marry within their tribe.